Sweet Mother, Make It STOP!

Listen, I don’t mean to be cranky or anything, but can we please stop with the stringing together of letters in place of full words that make actual sentences? Please? I am so tired of getting emails and reading facebook posts that look like alphabet soup that I could just scream.

I’m begging you on bended kneee—“No more, ‘kthxbai,’ and its equally illiterate cousins, okay?”

I get that this is “shorthand,” or it’s supposed to be. But here’s a confession I’m loathe to make—every time I see it I have to stop and think, “What the hell does that mean?” Which defeats the whole shorthand impulse, right?

Believe me, I know there are bigger things to worry about right now. There’s the economy, global warming (which I’m feeling particularly tense about, given the heat wave we’re currently experiencing in my part of the world), Susan Boyle’s eyebrows, the economy, who Madonna’s adopting and who she’s sleeping with—oh, and the possibility of a swine flu pandemic. That last one is a big worry, I think, particularly since it turns out that a surgical mask is as powerless against the virus as that fashion accessory’s greatest fan, Michael Jackson, is against strange urges. (“Strange urges” like wearing a surgical mask, people. Get your collective minds out of the gutter.)

Yet I am focusing on the alphabet soup issue. Maybe because the rest of the potentially world-shattering issues are so completely out of my control.

I’m not blameless in this. I’ve peppered my own electronic missives with adorable little “TTYLs” and “BRBs.” But I’m swearing off those from this moment on, because of this one simple fact: I’m a writer and there’s something unseemly about spending my time crafting sentences, paragraphs and chapters that mine language for clarity and meaning—something I’ve spent years learning how to do and a skill I hope to one day master, then chopping language into something resembling kiddie food.

Of course, I have no expectation that my objections will have any effect whatsoever. I don’t believe for one moment that this trend will come to a stop just because it makes me a little bit nuts. I just felt that I had to say something and I’m wondering if anyone else shares my impatience and distaste for this apparently willful breakdown in communications.

Okay? Thanks. Bye. 

Comments

[Joan M]

I agree with you. I have to stop and think about what some of this "shorthand" lingo is actually trying to say.

I try not to use it too often, but sometimes I will throw out a BRB, when it's raining and the dogs are outside. Smiley face!

[Tracy]

I have no concerns about global warming. The free market economy and our self-defense? Yes.

Regarding your post - I hate that shit, I have no idea what it means most of the time, and to me it totally takes the meaning out of what's being said. Seriously, "lol"? I don't picture the person laughing when they write that back.

[Lisa Wilson Grant]

Yeah, WTF!
Whatever happened to numbers!...
71077345
lol, byw..........
(I have never laughed out loud, I just don't, well maybe once, but not as often as everyone else seems to, so what's that - als-a little smile I guess that's what :) is, I do type that but I know no one has to stop and figure it out)

[Donna]

*gasp* No love for lolspeak! I haz a sad!

I write a lot of things online that I would never say out loud. I don't thing the words "epic fail" have ever crossed my lips or "all your ___ belong to us" but they make sense on the Internet. I am not so big on shorthand, but I do abuse LOL and emoticons a lot because I want to be sure if I'm joking, people get that and don't take offense.

As an editor, I spend all day fixing other people's sentences. When I'm online, I deliberately worry less about my grammar and I don't fix typos except in Facebook status updates. It also makes some people more comfortable because I've noticed some of my friends seem to think I'm mentally editing their e-mails or posts. Really, I'm not. If I'm not getting paid for it, odds are, I barely even notice.

[Kevin]

The death of language....

I feel that it takes effort to convey sentiment properly in writing. Not everyone is equipped for that. To make matters worse, a Blackberry or cell phone keyboard isn't exactly a bard's playground even on a good day.

So shortcuts happen. I hate seeing them also.

[Evilsharon]

{hanging head in shame}

Though in my own defense, I prolly mostly use 'kthxbai' as joke. I know its annoying because it annoys me, therefore I use it. I am EVIL though, what's everyone else's excuse?
I am also annoyed because I couldn't understand WTH '<3' meant. I mean if you can't figure out where the character map is, well, maybe swine flu is the least of our worries.

While we're on the subject, I spend way to much time trying to decipher people's vanity license plates around here. Sometimes it takes a while before I figure out that its actually just a random series of numbers and letters. ILVTOFU!

I ♥ U!

[Tracy]

I do like the 'smile' though :-)