As its predecessors — The Real Housewives of Orange County, The Real Housewives of New York, and The Real Housewives of Atlanta — The Real Housewives of New Jersey will feature a group of shallow women fighting each other for attention and hocking their wares, all while contemplating breast implants, throwing parties, and/or raising children that they believe are better than everyone else's kids (and who will likely hate them in the future for what they've done).
For the most part, it's the same-ol', same-ol' Housewives jackassery, but in a new state and with different and (although I didn't think it possible) even more desperate women than before. The most notable difference is that The Real Housewives of New Jersey stars Italian-American women who are more than just backstabbing-friends — they're family.
The Garden State cast (meet them all in the videos below) includes two sisters, Dina and Caroline Manzo (who not-so-incidentally are married to two brothers), and one sister-in-law, Jacqueline Laurita.
Caroline Manzo is the matriarch of the group, an obvious Carmela Soprano wanna-be. She owns two successful businesses, including a real estate firm, and she's been married to her huband Albert for over 25 years. Albert runs The Brownstone, a New Jersey banquet facility. If you live in the Tri-State area and have been to a wedding in Jersey in the past 30 years, the chances are very good that you've been to The Brownstone once or twice. That number goes up substantially if you're Italian.
Caroline and Albert have three Children — Albie, who is studying to be a lawyer; Christopher, who wants to open a strip club, and Lauren, who helps out with the family business.
Dina Manzo is Caroline's sister. She's an interior designer and event planner, and is married to Tommy Manzo, who runs The Brownstone with Caroline's husband. Dina has a teenage daughter, Alexia, who is not Tommy's.
Jacqueline Laurita is Caroline and Dina's sister-in-law. She's from Las Vegas and has been with her husband Chris (Caroline and Dina's brother) for over 13 years. Chris owns several apparel businesses (but I'm taking bets now as to how many times we'll see him in a velour running suit). They have a six-year old son, CJ, and Jacqueline has a teenage daughter, Ashley, from a previous marriage. Jacqueline and her sisters-in-law enjoy spending time together. (Yeah, not really.)
The last two housewives, Teresa Giudice and Danielle Staub, don't appear to be related to one another or anyone else on the show. And that might or might not work out well for them.
Teresa is a Jersey girl. "I grew up in Jersey my whole life," she proudly admits. (At least she knows she's not done growing up.) She is married to Joe, the boy she played house with when they were both kids. According to Teresa, Joe, is an "entreprenuer" who "owns a construction company," and he's the best thing that ever happened to her. Why? Because he's "an ass guy ... delicious and juicy." Joe, in case you're wondering, actually says "fuhgettaboudit" with a straight face.
Teresa and Joe have three daughters, and, despite what you learned from Goodfellas, not one is named Maria or Connie. They are called Gia, Gabriella, and Milania. Teresa loves teaching them all how to be “fabulous” because they're "divas like their mama."
Danielle Staub looks very familiar to me. I've seen her before, but I can't put my finger on where. Danielle sports a brow lift that makes her appear perpetually shocked, as if someone has just told her she's ugly and not tan enough.
Her philosophy of life is simple and very black and white. “You either love me or you love to hate me," she says. "There is no in between.”
Well, there is something in between, Danielle, and it's called pity. But, "WHATEVER-R-R-R," as this housewife would probably say. She couldn't care less about what I and others think of her, because she prides herself on being "one of the first women in New Jersey (and 14th person in the country) to have a Black American Express Card."
Danielle is also known for being brutally honest. Translation: She has no internal edit function. And that's really a shame because she's a single mother with two young daughters, Christine and Jillian, who she's grooming to be just like her. She does everything with her children because she considers them her best friends.
I take that back. She does almost everything with her children (video below). Her kids probably aren't around when she's having phone sex with a man she met on the Internet, or when she's blowing him. But they're definitely by her side when they all attend church together. Our Lady of Perpetual Fellatio? Perhaps.
Bravo claims that this change in casting brings "a whole new level of familial drama to the table." But I say it's a whole new low. We've already seen the Sopranos and don't need a pathetic re-enactment featuring a bunch of cafones without access to a cleverly written script — unless everyone gets whacked in the end. That might be worth watching.
Oh, relax; I'm just kidding (and it's not exactly a far-fetched joke, as you'll see if you read on). Taking an opportunity to promote a stereotype is cool! Um, isn't it? Isn't promoting stereotypes that The Sopranos dramatized first what this show is ALL about?
I think so, but let's review anyway:
None of these women have big enough hair for me.
Posted by: Evilsharon | April 28, 2009 at 11:11 PM
I don't even know what to say about this. lol Everything you note in the 'review' is spot-on. I'm an Italian Jersey girl and I'm always insulted by these frigin mal-formed apes (See: Growing up Gotti) parading around as wiseguys. "Hey, my grandfather was in the mob! That gives me an unentitled sense of authority!" I'm sick of the glorification of the mafia (helped in no small part by The Sopranos, a show i still haven't seen). And I hate that Italian-American has become synonymous with guido. (At least in NJ) Let's not even get into the Jersey Shore and Long Island!
I can see the entertainment value if these 'characters' aren't the norm in one's life. But after you grow up with them, go to high school with them, are related to them, vacation with them, it's just tired. It's funny when it's JUST a crazy uncle or JUST this new kid who just transferred from Bada-Bing-ville NY...
I just think it's time to stop promoting the 'greezball' persona so consistently.
Posted by: Jenna DQ | May 05, 2009 at 10:39 AM
Jenna, I recommend The Sopranos, despite the 'mob glorification' of it. It was a very, very smart show (unlike The Real Housewives series) -- to good to be ignored.
Posted by: Kim | May 05, 2009 at 02:57 PM
i dont understand how they even do a show w these people.tiny manzo was a murderer ,so his money is dirty these people are really low for saying is not true sppecially caroline.yea enjoy your money and happines while some bodys son or father is dad from tiny great?shame on all of you
Posted by: albano | June 23, 2009 at 07:14 PM
According to the reunion show Caroline "doesn't understand" how Tiny died? Apparently she's the only one who can't put two plus two together. He was a partner in business with a made man in the Gambino family, they both were accused of skimming from a casino, and they both died of sudden lead poisoning.
Posted by: Tony | June 24, 2009 at 07:54 AM
Wow your hatefull. Regardless of the manzos family mob connections this show wasn't about that .the housewives is about drama its what u should expect .people néed to spend there time on other things than herting a family that lost a love one . I love the manzo family they seem like an amazingly closs family . If u have nothing nice to say change the channel don't watch I know I'm going to watch every episode
Posted by: Carlitosarmani | July 09, 2009 at 05:33 PM
How fun! I linked to this on last weekend's weekly roundup and am just now getting around to letting you know. (I guess we were busy celebrating Easter!) Thanks so much for sharing!
Posted by: How fun! I linked to this on last weekend's weekly roundup and am just now getting around to letting you know. (I guess we were busy celebrating Easter!) Thanks so much for sharing! | June 20, 2010 at 08:02 PM
I was a personal freind of Tiny's. And i resent the words ofthe person who said he was a killer.
I lived around the block from him, his brother frank an father, I knew them all.
Would a Mafioso guest lower himself to cook Mussels in Marinara sauce at my brothers house for them?
Posted by: Arthur | July 03, 2010 at 03:07 PM
I was having lunch in a restaurant in Paterson's Little Italy when word came that Tiny had been killed. One of the owner's daughters, visibly upset, said, "Who's going to protect us now?" That's the way they thought. I had met Tiny a couple of times but he wouldn't know me by name. Word on the street was that he was connected but not a made guy and that he definitely was not into the violent side of things--more gambling and hookers. Of course if he stiffed the wrong person he was going to pay the price--especially in those days. "Tiny" was a misnomer BTW--he was well over 300 pounds and probably 5/5. He was an excellent dancer, however--several times I saw him dance with women at the Brownstone. He seemed to be a very happy guy and an entrepreneur. Besides the Brownstone he owned an up and coming restaurant called Da Tomasso's that was ironically later featured in The Sopranos. You never saw a single grafitti mark on that restaurant although the rest of the neighborhood was covered with them.
Posted by: Joe Blow | July 22, 2010 at 04:44 PM