Jen Phillips, a blogger for Mother Jones, recently got a press release from the makers of — (good God, this is hard to type) — Linger, a "feminine flavoring" that promises to "keep your vagina in mint condition," and decided to write about it. Before you get too upset, you should know that Linger is a novelty product.
OK, now that you know that, feel free to become un-fucking-hinged.
I've never met Jen Phillips, but after reading her blog post, I'm pretty sure I'm love with her. Here's some of what she wrote:
Think of it as an Altoid for your lady parts or, as its website explains, "A small, naturally sweetened flavoring, free of artificial dyes, which was created to flavor the secretions of a woman when she is sexually aroused." What...the...?!
So where did the idea for this curiously wrong mint come from? Linger's website (a little NSFW) offers up a wondrous, romantic tale about the supposed discoverer of femimint hygiene, an unnamed woman who was seduced in India by a man with skin "the color of caramel." He quelled her fears of tasting bad "down there" with a mysterious, Eastern mint. "When I returned to the States, I brought the tingly sweet tasting mint with me," she writes. I've requested an interview with this mysterious entrepreneur, but have yet to speak with her. However, Linger's PR guy did send me a sample—made in exotic New Jersey. But that was just my first taste of disappointment.
My tin of Linger looked a lot like one of those tins of mints that are given away at trade shows. And guess what? That's what it is. ... So how does Linger manage to pass off breath mints as vaginal Tic Tacs in $7.99 packs? Despite the salacious creation story and testimonials on its site ("It gets a little warm as it starts to dissolve which took just under an hour. Then, it is SO good!!"), the mint is labeled "for novelty use only." ...
Read her entire post here. Then go someplace else to throw up.
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