In Jersey, It's One Man, One Woman, Eight Douchebags And One Shore

Late this afternoon the New Jersey State Senate failed to pass legislation recognizing marriage equality for same-sex couples in that state. The senate voted 14-20 against the bill that had passed out of the Judiciary Committee by a 7-6 vote in December.

Today's vote means that inequality is alive and well in the Garden State, that oddly-shaped piece of east-coast real estate that's popular these days for being the home of 8 of the dumbest and, more to the point, skankiest heterosexuals in the entire world — the Guidos and Guidettes of MTV's "Jersey Shore." 

Why mention those jackasses? Because it'll never cease to amaze me that I'm not allowed to be legally married in that state because my love was put to a vote and deemed immoral, but no one would dare deny 8 sluttards, who spend their nights drinking, fighting and whoring, and their days avoiding responsibility, the right to marry based on their behavior (or the simple fact that together they probably can't spell STD).

In Jersey, as in so many other states, it's one man, one woman — with absolutely no regard for how that man treats that woman, or vice versa. 

Steven Goldstein, CEO of Garden State Equality said this of the vote: "This is not the end of the line. We will continue working towards marriage equality through lobbying, legal challenges, and citizen outreach. Every opportunity to highlight the inequalities experienced by same-sex couples brings us closer to our goal.”

True. But we must also highlight the douchebaggery. I mean, how many inequalities do voters have to ignore before the gay community finally rubs their faces in the hypocrisy? What are we waiting for?

According to the HRC, only five states currently recognize marriage for same-sex couples — Massachusetts, Connecticut, Iowa, Vermont, and New Hampshire.  Another five states — California, New Jersey, Oregon, Washington, and Nevada — plus Washington, D.C. provide same-sex couples with access to the state level benefits and responsibilities of marriage through either civil unions or domestic partnerships. Meanwhile, six states — Colorado, Hawaii, Maine, Maryland, Rhode Island and Wisconsin provide same-sex couples with limited rights and benefits. (New York and Washington, D.C. recognize marriages of same-sex couples validly entered into outside of the jurisdiction.)

Out of all of those states, gay marriage is most complicated in California. That state recognized marriage by same-sex couples between June and November of 2008, before voters approved Proposition 8. Prop. 8, you might remember, amended the state constitution to prohibit gay marriage. Couples married within that five month period remain married under law, but all other same-sex couples can only receive a domestic partnership within the state. 

The Prop. 8 vote has been challenged in federal court. The trial will begin on Monday, January 11, and there's currently an effort on behalf of the gay community to convince U.S. District Court Judge Vaughn Walker, the presiding judge, to televise the proceedings nationwide. The thought being that if voters could hear the actual arguments as opposed to just the lies and hyperbole, they'd see the light.

As of now, Judge Walker has only agreed to allow court employees to record the trial for delayed broadcast on YouTube. But fear not, those of you who'd rather watch over-tanned, juiced tools attempt to bed drunk women (or punch one in the face)! "Jersey Shore" airs tonight and every Thursday night at 10 p.m. on MTV.