Neither Snow Nor Rain Nor Bullshit Spending Can Stop This Monopoly

The recession has taken a lot of heat over the past year.  It's been blamed for rising unemployment, tightening credit, falling profits, rising losses, and just about every other problem we've got right now.  The recession, in turn, has been blamed on greedy corporations, villainous executives, conservatives lifting regulations, liberals taxing and spending, American unionized labor, Chinese slave labor — the list goes on and on. 

Enough! If you're going to play the blame game, you may as well point your finger at the real cause. Riddle me this: What do partisan politics, corporate negligence, and excessive government spending all have in common?

If you guessed "stupidity," you're close.  The answer is, unforgivably mind-boggling levels of gross incompetence and carelessness coupled with bucketfuls of shit for brains!

Can you blame a single person or entity for the massive problems dragging down our society?  Of course not.  But certain individuals and organizations make prime examples of the kind of careless, moronic activity that I'm talking about.

Take the United States Postal Service.  It's got a sweet ass deal, doesn't it?  Imagine being a private organization with a total monopoly, only it's completely fucking legal.  Anti-trust laws?  Fuck 'em.  You're the USPS and you don't take shit from nobody.  You've been given free license to handle all postal correspondence for one of the most populous countries in the world, and as long as you don't turn a profit (or at least, if no one notices you doing so), you can do it however you'd like. 

Great opportunity, right?  Sure, if you define "opportunity" as a chance to take the biggest possible market advantage and completely fuck it up.

As CNN reported in an article just a few weeks ago, the USPS's inspector general revealed that the agency managed to blow an entirely-unnecessary $792,022 in five months.  It should then come as no surprise that it lost $3.8 billion dollars in the last year.  If you don't feel like caring because that spending pales in comparison to the organization's overall loss, consider these two points:

1) This is only what the inspector actually reported (keep reading for the real shocker) and only what he considered unnecessary.  For all we know the USPS invested with Bernard Madoff.  It looked wise on paper, right?

2) Since when is $792,000 something to scoff at?  The sheer enormity of its annual loss is only more reason for the organization to save every penny possible.

In case you're one of those people who stops to stare at grisly car accidents, here are the highlights of the Postal Service's extraneous spending:

• Over $350,000 spent on food at a "national sales educational conference" (whatever that is).  Among the charges were a $500 "bartender charge" (hopefully at least the kind that takes his/her clothes off) and dinner at $96 per person.  I've only spent over $90 on dinner for myself one time: $1.50 for a bag of pretzels, $5 for the strip club cover charge, and ... well, you can guess where the rest went.  
• Over $77,000 for breakfasts at events over a six-month period.  No wonder my mail doesn't arrive until 3 PM — after waffles and a nap, the carriers probably don't even get on the road until noon.
• Over $14,000 in movie tickets as employee incentives.  Since when is still being employed not enough of an incentive?
• 30 retirement watches at $216 each.  I'm okay with this.  After all, retirement watches are kind of a backhanded gift.  Seriously, how fucked up is it to give a retiring (and, presumably, older) person a timepiece with which they can more easily watch their remaining time on this earth tick away?

I get pretty steamed over this kind of thing, but there's bigger shit that makes this case stink.  Remember when I mentioned, "this is only what the inspector actually reported"?  Well, guess what that bastard didn't apparently think was improper spending:

A CNN investigation last year revealed that the Postal Service spent $1.2 million to buy the lakefront home of an employee who was relocating. The purchase was part of a policy that allowed the Postal Service to pay for employee homes when they moved, whatever the cost.

Son of a bitch.  I'm guessing that's where all those breakfasts were hosted.  But don't fret — the USPS corrected its crazy policies:

Months after the story, the Postal Service changed its policy to limit home purchases to $800,000.

That's probably just to take into account real estate depreciation during the recession.  The lakefront mansion market just isn't what it was a year ago.

Rational pause: Most large corporations, including those in the shipping industry, embrace these kinds of spending practices.  However, unlike the USPS, those companies are not ultimately backed by the government our fucking money (at least, outside of bailout frenzies).  Their losses are not (normally) covered by US tax revenues.  The USPS is protected by the net of government backing, and as such it has an ethical obligation to watch every penny, more so than companies that are merely responsible to private investors, as we the people are 1) not willing participants in many of our government's half-baked ideas and 2) not blessed with loads of capital like most private investors.

If you can still think of a reasonable defense for the USPS's negligence, I'd like to hear it.

Comments

[Tracy]

I wonder which is worse...

Getting fucked up the ass by Jonah Falcon? Or getting fucked up the ass by the USPS?

Well Ali, we all know what one feels like. I guess we'll have to stay tuned regarding Jonah's career opportunites.

[Tracy]

Five foot nine? Really?

I know this should go under the 'Jonah' article. But still, SHEESH!