Pimp My Wry

"The Kids Are All Right" ... And So Are The Lesbians

What? Annette Bening and Julianne Moore star as lesbians in a Lisa Cholodenko film? In another apparently excellent Lisa Cholodenko film? And it's not even my birthday?

Whoa!

Just in case you're not already dying to see the much anticipated "The Kids Are All Right," I offer up Mick LaSalle's review from today's San Francisco Chronicle. (Spoiler: He, like most critics, liked it. A lot.)

One of the best scenes of any film this year takes place in "The Kids Are All Right." The setting is a small dinner party at which Annette Bening, as a lesbian with a longtime partner (Julianne Moore), seems on the verge of some kind of breakdown. She is talking nonstop. She is being excessively ingratiating. Every word out of her mouth suddenly sounds strangely inauthentic, and you wonder what's happening to her. She's wondering, too.


The scene resonates so well because it presents, with accuracy and subtlety, something that we've all experienced, but that is rarely depicted onscreen, and even then, almost never this well. It's the phenomenon of knowing something without knowing it - without even knowing what it is that you know. Though not consciously registering what's bothering her, this woman is picking up on a dynamic in the room, and with all her mental force and might - with every capacity she has for evasion and distraction - she is trying to keep that realization buried... The scene is an example of the rich and psychologically truthful work that [Cholodenko] does without being flashy and calling attention to it.

That's the good news. The bad news, according to Brett Hartinger at AfterElton (and others), is that "there's a very hoary lesbian stereotype at the dead center of this movie."

Before Samantha There Was Blanche, The Golden Slut

When The Golden Girls first aired in 1985, Rue McClanahan's Blanche Devereaux was roughly the same age as Kim Cattrall's Samantha Jones is (52) in this year's Sex and the City 2. Age is most certainly just a number these days, but for both Blanche and Samantha it was always just a number. The sex drives of both characters only increased with each additional birthday candle.

That said, it's only fitting that with the recent passing of Rue McClanahan and the release of Sex and the City 2, I post videos honoring both. FYI, needless to say, Samantha's montage is NSFW, motherfucker.

Who Will Play Nicole Kidman's Wife in "The Danish Girl"?

In an interview with Harper's Bazaar, Gwyneth Paltrow reveals that she's backed out of playing Nicole Kidman's wife in "The Danish Girl," the fictionalized (though somewhat biographical)  film about Lili Elbe née Einarstory (Kidman), the man who underwent the first sex-change operation, and his supportive wife. Paltrow originally agreed to the part in November, taking the place of Charlize Theron.

From Harper's:

Gwyneth has also significantly scaled back her film obligations. With daughter Apple, six, and son Moses, four, both in school, shuttling the pair around the globe has proven to be, well, exhausting. "Some days I feel like everyone in my world has plugged themselves into my kidneys. I'm so tired," she says with a sigh. She even pulled out of a movie with Nicole Kidman, The Danish Girl. With the shoot changing locales, Gwyneth found it too taxing for her little ones. Not to mention that her husband, Coldplay's Chris Martin, has an equally complex tour schedule. She does readily admit, however, "When you're having dinner with your kids and your husband and someone says something funny or you're dying laughing because your three-year-old made a fart joke, it doesn't matter what else is going on. That's real happiness. ...

There's some speculation that Gwyneth's reasoning is just an excuse, however, as the film is having a tough time getting past the planning stages.

And The Award Goes To Sigourney Weaver For Her Role As Ass-Kisser

While promoting "Avatar" in Brazil last weekend, Sigourney Weaver took loyalty to a director to a whole new, not-so-great, and downright embarrassing level.

Weaver, one of the stars of "Avatar" and a woman best known for her role in the "Alien" franchise, bitch-slapped the Academy for awarding the Best Director Oscar to Kathryn Bigelow for "The Hurt Locker"  instead of to "Avatar" director and Bigelow's ex-husband James Cameron. Weaver said that Bigelow received the award because she's a woman.

"Jim didn't have breasts, and I think that was the reason," she told told Folha Online, a Brazilian news site. "He should have taken home that Oscar."

Weaver went on to say that the award for Best Picture should have gone to "Avatar." "In the past, 'Avatar' would have won because they [Oscar voters] loved to hand out awards to big productions, like 'Ben-Hur,'" she said. "Today it's fashionable to give the Oscar to a small movie that nobody saw."

Whether "Avatar" is a better film than "Hurt Locker" is something that will forever be debated by people who know films and by those who just enjoy watching them, but there's no debating that Weaver's choice of words in expressing her disapproval sucked. Bigelow's win made her the first woman to ever receive the Best Director Oscar. And instead of respecting that accomplishment, Weaver is acting as if the floor buckled, sending a 2x4 up her ... nose.

Whining is unbecoming, but it's especially unbecoming when one woman degrades another in the process. Weaver's sexualization of Bigelow's achievement is an effort to cheapen it. Shame on you, Sigourney Weaver. If you want to kiss James Cameron's ass, go right ahead. But don't do it in public anymore; you're stinking the place up.

Bethenny Frankel, "The Beautiful Reflection Of Her Love's Affection"

Bethenny Frankel, one of the Real Housewives of New York, was married last weekend to New York businessman Jason I'm-way-too-normal-to-be-on-this-show Hoppy.

Out of all Bravo's Housewives on both coasts, Bethenny is my favorite. I think she's by far the funniest of all the women and the most direct. Is she perfect? No. But to paraphrase fellow cast-member Kelly Bensimon, "She's up here, and everyone else is down there."

Oh, Kelly, you're so pretty and tan and crazy.

I'm happy for Bethenny, and I hope she starts her new life with her husband and baby by announcing that this season will be her last on the show. Go, Bethenny! Run! Run as fast as you can away from those crazy women with their bulging eyes and horrible taste in men and furnishings.

Anyway, I couldn't help but chuckle when I saw her sporting more of a bulge in her one-shade-shy-of-white wedding gown than I'd imagined she would. I thought, You go girl! Because nothing says "fuck the rules" to society quite like an attractive 'society girl' walking down the aisle pregnant.

Right, Fanny? Hit it:

Why I Wore Lipstick To Sleep With Danger And Woke Up Pregnant

Oh, Lifetime Network, I just love you! I love your movies, I love your over-the-top movie titles, and I love your "Women Rule Even When They're Crazy Or When Men Are Beating The Shit Out Of Them!" attitude.

There aren't enough hours in the day for me to post clips or trailers from every single Lifetime drama I've ever seen and loved (or loved to hate), so I've chosen only three, and they're all true stories: "A Woman Scorned: The Betty Broderick Story" (1992), "A Cry For Help: The Tracy Thurman Story" (1989), and "Prayers For Bobby" (2009).

"A Woman Scorned: The Betty Broderick Story" is my favorite Lifetime movie of all time. Meredith Baxter stars as Betty Broderick, the wife of a rich, high-powered attorney. Her life is fabulous until her husband decides to leave her for a younger women. Betty snaps and, as IMDB puts it, "begins a campaign of vandalism and verbal assault. Her rage consumes her and ultimately leads to a terrible and violent act." Yeah, that's putting it mildly.

Everybody's favorite "Facts Of Life" alum and tomboy Nancy McKeon stars in "A Cry For Help: The Tracy Thurman Story," a terrifying tale of a Connecticut woman who was married to a man who abused her and even slashed her throat in front of the cops. The cops are misogynistic morons who do as little as they can for her. Thurman then sues the city and the police department for failing to protect her.

Oh, Kristen Stewart, Just Come Out Already; Joan Jett Would Approve!

Just saw the first preview for The Runaways on TV. Oh, Kristen Stewart, just come out already!

Sigh.

Take a look at the trailer.

Rob Reiner And Prop 8: Meet The New Boss — Not The Same As The Old Boss

You've probably heard that Rob Reiner's been in San Francisco federal court to watch the unfolding of Perry v. Schwarzenegger, otherwise known as the Prop 8 trial. What's he doing there?

Contemplating a movie? Maybe. I mean, I hope so. And I hope it stars Jodie Foster and John Lithgow — you know, the guy who played the latest serial killer beside Dexter. He'd say, "Hate the sin, love the sinner!" like nobody's business!

Here's to hoping.

But let's forget about that for now. According to the CBS News report below, Reiner is "financing much of the legal defense on the gay side."

And that's not all.