Pimp My Wry

Gropegate!

Another family values Christian is being accused of behavior that isn't exactly Christlike or family-approved.

GOP presidential hopeful Herman Cain has denied a Politico report that alleges he sexually harassed women during his time as head of the National Restaurant Association.

Whether there was any groping involved remains to be seen, but given that financial payouts were handed over in exchange for silence, I'm willing to bet that Cain's hands kneaded more than dough.

During Herman Cain’s tenure as the head of the National Restaurant Association in the 1990s, at least two female employees complained to colleagues and senior association officials about inappropriate behavior by Cain, ultimately leaving their jobs at the trade group, multiple sources confirm to POLITICO.

The women complained of sexually suggestive behavior by Cain that made them angry and uncomfortable, the sources said, and they signed agreements with the restaurant group that gave them financial payouts to leave the association. The agreements also included language that bars the women from talking about their departures.

Cain's campaign insists that Politico is "dredging up thinly sourced allegations." Spokesman J.D. Gordon told the AP that the claims include "unsubstantiated personal attacks," adding that the press is "casting aspersions on his character and spreading rumors that never stood up to the facts."

Father Knows Best: A Prop 8 Tale Of Suck

Recently, a friend confessed to me that he voted "yes" on Proposition 8 in 2008. He regretted his decision almost immediately afterward, he said, and added that he now feels ashamed.

When I asked him why he voted to outlaw same-sex marriage, despite knowing, liking and respecting a number of gay people, including a favorite uncle, he told me that the "Yes on 8" folks had convinced him that gay marriage would be bad for his children because "it would be taught in schools." He couldn't recall exactly what would be taught, or even at what age children would be taught. He couldn't tell me how learning about family diversity would have a bad or direct (or even indirect) effect on his own family, because no one had ever really explained those things to him. And, most important, he couldn't say for sure that any of what he was told is true. He simply said that he'd watched enough "Yes on 8" ads to have been convinced that if he didn't vote 'yes,' his children would be harmed on some highly immoral (yet undefined) level.

I call it the "Father Knows Best" defense. But you can go ahead and call it bullshit.

Pat Robertson: Haitians Made A Pact With Me Hundreds Of Years Ago (Video)

Right now, members of the media are abuzz over Pat Robertson's claim that the earthquake in Haiti is the latest evidence that that nation is cursed.  As quoted at thinkprogress.org, Robertson states:

Something happened a long time ago in Haiti and people might not want to talk about it. They were under the heel of the French. Napoleon the Third and whatever. And they got together and swore a pact to the devil. They said, 'We will serve you if you get us free from the prince.' True story. And so the devil said, 'OK, it’s a deal.' They kicked the French out, the Haitians revolted and got themselves free.

But ever since, they have been cursed by one thing after the other ...

Cool story, bro. 

Robertson's particularly eloquent when he says things like "Napoleon the Third and whatever." But I especially love how every time he says, "True story," it becomes more apparent that the "Jerry Springer Show" show saves more American souls than "The 700 Club."

Joy Behar wonders just how Pat Robertson knows that the Haitians made that pact with Satan. But I don't wonder. I've known for many years that Pat Robertson is, in fact, the Prince of Darkness. That's right. Pat Robertson (not Ozzy Osbourne) is the Devil. So, if Haiti made that pact, he'd be the one to know about it.

Allow me to explain.

Dear Santa: Please Deliver Rick Warren To Rachel Maddow's Show For Christmas

If you haven't yet seen the clip of Rachel Maddow cleaning author and phony baloney Richard Cohen's clock last night, you can watch it below. It's a lengthy clip, but it's well worth your time.

Cohen, a self-described (and unlicensed!) 'therapist,' wrote a book called "I Don't Know Nothin' 'Bout Nothin'!" "Coming Out Straight," in which he not only describes how he's turned gay people straight, but also claims that a person's race can cause him to be gay.

Is it any wonder that his book is being used to support proposed legislation (the "Kill the Gays Bill") in Uganda that would impose the death penalty on homosexuals living there? No.

Maddow did such a fine job ripping Cohen a new (but definitely not gay) asshole, that I can't wait to see her do it again to, say, Rick Warren, a man with his own Ugandan ties who can't bring himself to condemn the proposed legislation.

Put that invitation in the mail, Rachel.

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Sen. David Vitter On Loving V. Virginia: Huh?

Yesterday, Mike Stark of The Stark Report ran into Senator David Vitter of Louisiana and asked him a very simple question — a question he'd been trying to get an answer to ever since the senator refused to condemn the racist Lousiana judge (Keith Bardwell), who several weeks ago refused to issue a marriage license to an interracial couple:

"Was Loving versus Virgina decided correctly by the United States Supreme Court?"

Vitter's answer: "What's Loving versus Virginia?"

Loving v. Virginia, as lots and lots and LOTS of people who aren't lawyers or senators know, was a unanimous Supreme Court decision (1967) that declared state anti-miscegenation laws unconstitutional. It's a landmark civil rights case that those of us who are over 40 learned in high school, and those of us under 40 learned on Law & Order reruns. So, there's absolutely no reason to believe that VItter, a Tulane Law School graduate by the way, never heard of the case. In fact, there's no reason to believe he doesn't know the details of the case. What's uncomfortably easy to believe, however, is that he didn't know how to answer the question.

Needless to say, the answer is a no-brainer for anyone who isn't a racist: Yes.

But maybe I shouldn't be so hard on the senator. Perhaps he thought it was a trick question, like, you know, What's two plus two?

Hello, Catholics? Jesus Called; He Wants A Restraining Order

From today's Washington Post:

The Catholic Archdiocese of Washington said Wednesday that it will be unable to continue the social service programs it runs for the District if the city doesn't change a proposed same-sex marriage law, a threat that could affect tens of thousands of people the church helps with adoption, homelessness and health care.

Under the bill, headed for a D.C. Council vote next month, religious organizations would not be required to perform or make space available for same-sex weddings. But they would have to obey city laws prohibiting discrimination against gay men and lesbians.

Fearful that they could be forced, among other things, to extend employee benefits to same-sex married couples, church officials said they would have no choice but to abandon their contracts with the city.

....

The standoff appears to be among the harshest between a government and a faith-based group over the rights of same-sex couples. Advocates for same-sex couples said they could not immediately think of other places where a same-sex marriage law had set off a break with a major faith-based provider of social services.

How "Christian" can they get?

Council member Mary M. Cheh (D-Ward 3) referred to the church as "somewhat childish" in the piece. She added that she hopes the Catholic Church will reconsider its stance. "Are they really going to harm people because they have a philosophical disagreement with us on one issue?" Cheh asked. "I hope, in the silver light of day, when this passes, because it will pass, they will not really act on this threat."

Read the entire article here.

Carrie Prejean — Fingered, But "Still Standing"

Carrie Prejean went on Sean Hannity's show tonight to promote her new book, "Still Standing," and talk about what she called "the worst mistake of my life."

Prejean admitted to what TMZ reported last week — that she did, indeed, make a video of a sexual nature, one in which she stars ... solo. Fingered, so to speak, she told Hannity that she was in high school when she made the video for her boyfriend's eyes only. "I was all by myself. I was sending my boyfriend at the time, who I loved and cared about, you know, video of me," she said. "I was a teenager at the time and never did I ever think it would come out."

Heh, heh. She said "come out."

Anyway, Prejean should have learned a valuable lesson in the past week: Beauty queens who masturbate on video shouldn't judge the sexual behaviors of other, um, queens. But she didn't. Instead of apologizing to the GLBT community for her hypocrisy and overall asshattedness, she and Hannity jerked one another off for the entire Fox News audience:

Racist Louisiana Judge Doesn't Understand Why People Don't Like Him

Keith Bardwell, the Louisiana Justice of the Peace who last week refused to perform an interracial marriage, talked to Harry Smith of CBS news this morning about the incident. He defended himself by first pointing out that he did not "deny" the couple a marriage license because he doesn't issue licenses; he simply refused to perform the ceremony because he was concerned for the children that might result from the marriage. 

When asked by Smith if he would refuse to perform a marriage for any other reason, he said no, but then corrected himself, saying that if the man or woman  "is intoxicated or seems to be or on drugs or whatever, yeah, I can recuse myself and make them come back when they're in a sober state." 

Before the segment ended, Bardwell added this: "I'm sorry that I offended the couple, but I did help them and tell them who to go to. And they went and got married, and they should be happily married and I don't see what the problem is now." 

Of course you don't. Jackass. 

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